Today’s post is a sensitive topic. I was recently asked to write on the subject, “When Your Child Dies”…Although I have not experienced such a personal loss, , I have experienced the loss and death of friends and family. I dedicate this post to this special reader and also to those who have walked in the same shoes.
She awakens to a million “why’s” and “what if’s” each day of her life.
Her tears are wet but numb.
She prays. She cries. She sleeps no more.
She listens but does not hear. Her smile is gone.
The familiar noise no longer exists. The silence deafens.
Lies, excuses, unanswered questions.
Her pain runs deep within her soul.
She doubts. She wonders….
She tries to avoid the emptiness that screams.
Sadness lurks and becomes her friend. She stares but does not see.
She tells her story to all who will hear.
This has become her common place. What she knows as truth.
Happiness is distant as she holds her head low.
She feels the hole in her heart…the void in her life.
She imagines the future but holds on to the past. What could have been…matters no more.
She thinks and thinks some more.
All the while, the tasks pile up.
She cries. She grieves. She screams.
Her calendar counts the days gone by.
She remembers. Her tears fall.
The guilt and heartache holds her back. She moves forward but her life stands still.
She merely exists.
She imagines the Birthdays but omits the Happy. The Happy is gone.
The yearly tasks to keep the memory alive; visits and flowers …This is how she survives.
She weeps. She loves. She continues on.
She’s a parent to a child who’s gone. Gone too soon.
She seeks comfort in the unimaginable. She lights a candle. She searches for peace.
Her love remains strong.
This has become her normal.
“She” was written in the most personable and sensitive way to express my thoughts on such an emotional subject. I cannot even imagine how a parent feels when their child dies. I can only imagine the hurt and wrenching pain but imagining doesn’t even come close. Children are not supposed to die before their parents. We expect to watch our children grow, learn, experience and mature. This is what we know. This is the norm. Children are our future.
God has blessed me with two wonderful children, a great (son)-in-law and a beautiful grandson. I only know the worry of what could happen and I constantly pray for their safety and security. As a parent, mother and a grandmother, I only know my hopes, my dreams, and my aspirations for my family. And even though I do not know the pain of such loss, I do know those who have gone through this horrific loss. I can only imagine the continued burden of needing to be free of the hurt and pain but fearful of moving on. The need for reminders of their child must be like air. It is a necessity..and life giving.
Life and death are universal. All races and cultures experience the loss of life; and some may experience the loss of a child, while others may not. Grieving parents may face a long and painful journey as they learn to hope for a healthy healing.
Please understand, I write this knowing and fully aware that the death of a child affects both parents…mother and father. But I believe a father grieves differently than the mother. A mother’s bond is immediate, more emotional and physically intimate from the moment of conception. Please also understand, as a mother, I write this from a personal view…The View From My Window…My maternal window.
Ecclesiastes 3 speaks about a time for everything…a season for every activity under the heavens; a time to be born and a time to die. Life on earth is not eternal. We are given no guarantees; only promises and hope for eternal life in heaven. I have no words of comfort…only the words of insight from God who knows all wounds and heals all wounds.
Romans 8:26 is an important reminder. In the midst of our trials, sufferings hurt and pain..even when we feel we cannot bear anymore and have no more words to even speak our thoughts…the Holy Spirit intercedes and gives us strength.
For those who have lost a child, may God be your comfort. Parents, never take one second of your child’s life for granted. Hug them a little harder, praise them a little louder, lift their spirits a little higher and love them so much more.
This article is ©Copyright- All rights reserved